What does that even mean? If you are in your 20s or 30s this question has probably crossed your mind at least once. Or if you’re like I was you are still contemplating whether you want to have kids at all. The annoying thing about these questions is that no one can answer them for you and sometimes there isn’t a right answer. I can’t tell you if you’re ready to have kids or if you should have kids and that’s totally ok. But I would like to provide you with my story leading up to motherhood and provide the best advice I can.
My Story
Before I had a child I envied those women that were so sure one day sooner or later they wanted kids. There was no doubt. I wanted that confidence, I wanted to be sure. I went back and forth daily in my later 20s and early into my 30s. Did I want to give part of my life to another person? Did I want to give up my freedom? What if I had one and I hated it? What if I don’t have one and regret it? Would I regret it? If I am going to have them it has to be soon, not getting any younger… but then I am even ready? What does being ready for kids even mean?
I leaned toward wanting to have a child but my boyfriend wasn’t really interested, so it was a hard conversation, if I couldn’t be sure how do expect him to want to even consider it? The whole thing consumed way more of my thoughts than I liked.
Fast forward to that night. It was a weird night, after an evening with the boy I sat to watch tv and it hit me, just like that. I think I might be pregnant!? Is that possible can you know the minute conceive? I don’t know, that’s a subject for another post. Those 2 weeks leading up to my period my mind was spun. What if I was? Then what did that mean? What if I wasn’t? Will I be sad? happy? I can safely say that was the most stressful 2 weeks, maybe in my life. I really didn’t know what outcome I was hoping for.
When I get the negative test I thought that would make it clearer, if I was relieved, then I wasn’t ready. Nope. Saw that one line and was still back at a weird place of relief and sadness and also just didn’t believe it, I was so sure. When my period never showed I finally got a positive test. There it is. It’s real, now what.
And you probably think I figured it out then. Nope. I can safely say that I was not totally sure I was ready for this until I brought her into her room for the first time. I remember the day before I went into labor thinking “what the heck am I thinking?!”
Now she is here and I realize I was more ready for her than I could have imagined and that I am more than happy that she is here.
So What is My Advice For You?
If you find yourself asking these questions I give you this:
You will never be fully ready to have kids until they are in your arms.
If you are doubting whether or not to have them pay close attention to yourself. Looking back I can see moments with my friends kids or in my own thoughts there were telling me I was ready even though I didn’t see it. How often I would say “if I have a kid…” for example.
And most importantly don’t worry about being totally ready, don’t worry about the money, or the house, your age or any of that. All of that works itself out. The utmost important thing is that you are ready to open your life and ready to love them unconditionally.
Do you see a “place” of them in your life? When you think of a friend calling you to out for the night is the idea of staying home because of the baby ok with you?